Burning My Boats, Taking the Island
On completing the death-rebirth process that has been unfolding over the last decade.
"I know what it is to be suddenly disconnected. I know what it’s like at the beginning, when you're cast adrift, not a part of anything anymore, cut away from all the things that have always defined you. No home, no people, no place. Suddenly, everyone's a stranger.” — Jed McKenna
Just over a decade ago, I disconnected and cast myself adrift — by questioning the faith that I was brought up in, I cut myself away from all the things that had defined me. I felt like I had no home, no people, no place — I was a stranger in a world full of strangers. An alien wandering around in unfamiliar territory.
“You've done unforgivable violence, committed a truly destructive act. You've lost everything through that destructive act, including much of yourself. I know the urge you're feeling to be a part of something again. I know how strong the urge is and how scary it is to be isolated and apart.” — Jed McKenna
This severing from my past was brutal and violent. It felt like chunks of my flesh had been ripped out. I cut myself off from my tribe because I couldn’t relate to them anymore. At the same time, I longed for the feeling of safety and belonging that it had provided. And I have been living in fear for the past 10 years.
“This rebirth you've undergone is as reality-redefining as the physical birth process. The womb you've just expelled yourself from may have been toxic and suffocating, but it was also warm and safe and familiar, and now you're in a whole different world, blindingly bright and stark, and nothing looks or works like it did before. It's cold and lonely and everything is strange, and you can never go back." — Jed McKenna
I know that I cannot go back. This death-rebirth process that I have gone through must be completed. Although I have become familiar with this new world over the years, I am yet to fully accept it. I must accept it wholeheartedly — I must move forward and take ownership of the person that I am meant to be.
“If you wanna take the fucking island burn your fucking boats; and you will take the island 'cause people when they're gonna either die or succeed, tend to succeed.” ― Tony Robbins
It’s time to burn my fucking boats. It’s time to take the fucking island.