A Visceral Sense of Safety
On what it's like to live with a lingering feeling of being in danger, the cost of living this way, and what it takes to restore a visceral sense of safety.
“God will put his angels in charge of you to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with their hands, to keep you from hurting your feet on the stones.” — Psalm 91: 11-12
When I was a kid, I used to recite Psalm 91 from the Bible every night before bed. This psalm is worth reading in its entirety. It served as a powerful antidote to fear — and I used to be scared of getting nightmares. Reading this psalm gave me a visceral sense of safety.
The word visceral relates to deep inward feelings rather than to the intellect. It also literally refers to the internal organs in the main cavities of the body, especially those in the abdomen, e.g. the intestines. So when I was a kid, I had a gut-level assurance that I was safe.
Later, when I left the Catholic Church, I lost my tribe. When someone loses their tribe, they not only lose their sense of belonging, they also lose their sense of safety. Being part of a tribe is what makes us mammals feel safe. When that is taken away, the body goes into fight or flight mode because it becomes extra vigilant to external threats — now that we cannot rely on our tribe to protect us. Or perhaps, because we don’t want to rely on what once used to be our tribe…
So I went from feeling blessed, protected, and taken care of, to feel lost, insecure, and constantly in danger. In The Body Keeps the Score, a book on trauma and its treatment by Bessel van der Kolk, he writes that one of the ways to treat trauma is by allowing the body to have experiences that deeply and viscerally contradict the helplessness, rage, or collapse that result from trauma.
Over the years, I had several experiences that deeply contradicted the helplessness, rage, and collapse I had initially felt when I left the Church. And I knew that even though I had left the Church, God hadn’t abandoned me. I just had to re-establish my relationship with him.
I have previously written about how this unfolded — it was by recognizing that God the Father also had Goddess the Mother by his side. They are my divine parents — the divine masculine and the divine feminine. But it has taken me many years to feel that visceral sense of safety again. In fact, as I write this, I’m still working on it…
In his book, Bessel notes that for our physiology to calm down, heal, and grow we need a visceral feeling of safety. We need to be truly heard and seen by the people around us, feeling that we are held in someone else’s mind and heart. He also points out that our lives will be held hostage to fear until that visceral experience changes.
Someone who is constantly in fight or flight mode — someone constantly in a state of fear — will not be able to live their life fully and thrive! They will see the world through the lens of their trauma and will constantly be scanning for threats while completely missing opportunities.
Although my trauma hasn’t completely sabotaged my life, I feel like I am not living at 100% — and I find this frustrating. Now that I have connected these dots, I have a clear idea of what the problem is. And I can find my way out — I can find that visceral sense of safety again! When I shift out of that lingering feeling of being in danger — that fight or flight state — then I can truly bloom!
In closing, I would like to share a traditional Irish blessing with you:
May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face; the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.